Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Monday, August 12, 2013

Funny Little Democrats

I've been seeing some interesting posts lately on Facebook and other sites where Democrats are attacking Republicans over a myriad of different beliefs they may or may not have as well as their stances on certain issues.

More drug-induced nonsense from a bunch of free-loading hippies if you ask me.

The problem here is that we are running into the classic issue of the vocal minority giving the silent majority a bad name.

Here's a few of the comments I've heard recently and my responses.

"Only rich people are Republicans" - I can't stop laughing at this one. We currently live paycheck to paycheck like most Americans and we only have about $20 in the bank right now, yet I'm a Republican. I'm not poor, but I sure as hell ain't rich. This shit may stem from the idea that Republicans seemingly want to give tax breaks to the 1% of the population that earns more than $250,000. Fuck off. They earned that money. Those same rich people already pay a shit ton in taxes. Hell...the top 40% of the income earners in this country pay 85% of the taxes. What makes you idiots think that you have a right to any of their hard-earned money? What happens if you low-income moaners all of a sudden were in that top 1% or so. Would you still be so willing to have the government take more of your money to hand it out to poor folks? No? I didn't think so.

"All Republicans are hardcore Christians" - Ummm...I'm an Atheist AND a Republican. I also know many Republicans who are NOT hardcore Christians. There's Muslims, Mormons, Jews, even Scientologists. Try again retard.

"Republicans are only Pro-Choice" - Yeah...I'm on the fence here. Why? Because I believe in both options. However, I must not be a Republican then because I'm not on the Pro-Choice side only.

"Republicans don't believe in gay marriage/marriage equality" - Bullshit. I'm totally for gay rights and marriage equality. Many other Republicans are as well. There are just more pressing issues at hand in this country that need to be focused on first. Things such as a war, economy, threats from foreign countries, medical care, home foreclosures, jobs, etc. I also support the legalization of marijuana. But again...more important shit on the table right now. Democrats just don't know how to prioritize shit.

"If you're a Republican, you're just as bad as the Westboro Baptist Church" - Wow. Just go shoot yourself now.

"All Republicans are gun-toting baby killers" - Well, at least you got the gun-toting part right. Thanks for playing though.

Monday, June 24, 2013

If you are 40 or older, you may find this hilarious!

1) When I was a kid, we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up the card catalog!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's, Napster, or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Because hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like call waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any fucking cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday mornings. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

14) And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shotgun" in the first place!

Monday, March 25, 2013

4 Reasons NOT To Worry About North Korea

I'm constantly hearing people talking about how their worried that North Korea might attack us as well as all the recent threats made against us. Well...I came up with a little list for those of you who fall into that group.

Here ya go...

4 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Worry About North Korea & 1 Reason Why You Should.

1.) It's all talk...(mostly).:

Kim Jong Un is all about solidifying his place as North Korea's leader. He doesn't want to seem 'weak' to his military leaders, so he's taking the initiative. It's obviously no secret that North Korea hates the U.S., and South Korea, and Japan, and every other country NOT named North Korea. At the end of the day, they would just love the idea of bombing the shit out of all their enemies followed up by a massive invasion....but they can't. That brings me to....

2.) Their nukes are useless.:

Contrary to popular belief, they don't actually have a weaponized nuke yet. They are trying though. They don't have the capability to launch a nuke at Washington D.C. or anywhere else in the U.S. for that matter. They can't manage to get a nuclear warhead on a missile. Rumor has it that they may have attempted to skip a step to make one small enough to fit on a missile, but they're still likely years away from success on this front. They keep finding new and inventive ways of fucking it up. Hence, all the posturing and B.S. It's a classic case of Napoleon Complex.

3.) They don't have what it takes. Literally.:

So no nukes must mean that they would just go old-school and start attacking U.S. and South Korean forces and kick off another Korean war? Well...they actually could if they wanted to. They do have a number of medium range missiles as well as a bunch of other equipment such as tanks, cannons, and rocket launchers. Most of this stuff is spread across their side of the DMZ (demilitarized zone). Seoul happens to be in range of many of their weapons. Tens of thousands could die before we had a chance to lay waste to all their toys. However, they likely wouldn't try it. Most of their equipment (or at least a good chunk of it) is old and outdated. Troop morale is a huge factor as well. Then there's the issue of maintaining the fight. They can't. With all the sanctions imposed on them so far and others likely on the way, they basically would have only enough fuel and supplies to fight a war for 30 days or so. After that, they're on foot.

4.) Eventually, the people would revolt.:

This is more of an opinion of mine rather than anything based on facts. The country isn't just running low on fuel and supplies for their military...they're running low on food for their own people. If they go and squander their resources fighting a losing war, eventually the people would just wake up and realize just how bad things are and do something about it. Regardless of how any of them may feel about their 'fearless leader', at the end of the day, they want to be able to feed their families and not spend the rest of their lives living in poverty or worse. The terrain in North Korea isn't the greatest for growing crops and such. They've got to be able to survive somehow.

Why we SHOULD worry about North Korea.:

They're mostly short. Need to lower our aim.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Ever Have A Crush On An Anime Babe?

Do you ever find yourself wishing you were a cartoon just so you can meet all the chicks. I know I thought that as a kid when I first saw Jessica Rabbit.

Anyway....these chicks are hot.....for cartoons.

On a side note: Instead of 'poontang'...would you call it 'toontang'?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Watch out Ralph....

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police.

Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was.

As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in.

After fighting through many of the dealers' body-guards, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Foghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be..

As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Foghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back.

Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more.

As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."