Watch out Ralph....

Why did the chicken cross the road?




































His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police.




Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was.




As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in.




After fighting through many of the dealers' body-guards, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Foghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be..




As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Foghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back.

Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more.




As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."

Thanks A Bunch. Pricks.

Soooo.....first off, I'd like to thank all of you idiots out there for screwing my country over for another 4 years. Really. Thanks a bunch. Pricks.

What I would like to know is why, exactly, did you feel the need to vote for Osama..err..Obama?

• Foreign policy maybe? Nah. Couldn't be that. All Obama wants to do is kiss everyone's ass and apologize to them instead of telling them where they should shove it.
• The eventual war in Iran? He would rather take the word of Armanihandjob (or whatever his name is) that they don't wanna do anything negative with their nuclear power as opposed to just going over there, bitch-slapping him, take away his toys, and say 'NO'. Apparently, you Democrats are a bunch of pansies. Israel is waiting on us to act. The UK is waiting on us. We're becoming a laughingstock.
• The economy? HA! All you Obamatards keep blaming Bush for all our nation's problems. Obama apparently 'inherited' this mess. Well...I once 'inherited' a broken XBox. Guess what I did with it? I fucking fixed it! I didn't sit here and complain about the idiot that broke it. I didn't whine because it was broken and cry about the fact that I now have to try and fix it. No. I just fucking fixed it. Our economy is even worse off now than it was before. It's not getting better anytime soon. Which brings me to...
• Jobs. Our nation's unemployment rate is already at around 8%. It's expected to hit at least 11% soon. Very soon. Layoffs have already begun in major corporations all across the country because of Obama getting re-elected. Small businesses are shutting down entirely. There's some more folks that'll be standing in line at the unemployment office.
• Taxes. You idiots actually believe that the Robin Hood mentality will actually work? Tax the rich even more and give that to the middle class? Really? While I'm on that subject...what about the poor? I never once heard Obama even mention the lower class/poor people. It's always about helping out the middle class. Regardless...the rich people earned their money. They worked for it. They already pay higher taxes than the rest of us. As a matter of fact, the 1% of the population that makes more than $250,000 a year also pays at least 60-70% of our nation's taxes. Now you want to take more from them? For what? So your lazy ass doesn't have to work? So you can sit on your fat ass sucking up welfare and food stamps because somehow, in your twisted little minds, you actually think you fucking deserve it? Like it's owed to you for something? What the fuck have you done for this country? There should just be a flat tax across the board. By the way...go look up 'Fiscal Cliff'.
• Race. So Obama got about 70% of the Latino vote and about 90% of the black vote. Hmmm...I wonder how many of them actually voted for him because of his stance on the issues at hand or if they voted for him simply because he's black. Oh...wait. Those two demographics are the most likely to need government assistance at some point. I see what you did there. Keep him in office and we get another 4 years of freebies and handouts. I grew up on welfare & food stamps. It's fucking embarrassing. I don't understand how anyone, regardless of race, could actually WANT to be on either of those programs. They would have to have no sense of self-worth, no pride, and a serious case of entitlement. Keep in mind, I'm not counting those that have an actual 'need' for these services. However, if you are physically able to go out and work, yet you sit at home on welfare playing with your new iPhone...fuck you.
• Military. He wants to pull our troops out of Afghanistan and elsewhere. Why? What would that accomplish? There's still work to be done. We walk away now and they win. If you start something, you fucking finish it. We're also likely going to lose our pay raises every year. Our military personnel already make far below the national average for similar civilian jobs. Yet many Democrats complain that we get paid too much. WTF? They want to cut our funding, which means no new equipment where it's needed, cutting back on troop levels, and the aforementioned lack of pay raises. It's obvious that you retards don't give 2 shits about the military.
• Obamacare. I fucking hate this thing. I'm not even going to elaborate on it other than this interesting factoid: Did you know that once Obamacare is officially underway, if you can't afford health insurance for yourself, your employer has to pay for it 100%? That's if you even have a job. Which means that, if they have enough employees that are in the same boat, they'll have to pay for those employee's insurance. All of it. On top of the additional taxes. Which will eventually lead to them either closing down or laying off employees. Possibly you. Irony is a bitch isn't it?

I'm likely to piss a lot of you off with this blog. However, I don't really give a fuck anymore. I'm sick and tired of people not using their brains when they vote. An analyst on CNN made the comment that people "voted with their hearts and NOT their minds" in this election. It's true, because if logic were used in any fashion by voters this year, Romney would be our president. I'm not saying Romney was perfect. No politician is. However, our country would be much better off with a much brighter future ahead if he had been elected.

That's the part that really pisses me off the most. I love my country, but it's apparent that you don't.

Funny Quotes From Borderlands 2

Bandits:

• "Never gonna give you up."
• "What the hell is that thing?" (when dropping a turret)
• "I can see Uranus from here." (when enemy is phaselocked)
• "Look at me when I'm charging at you!"
• "I smell tasty!" (as they're burning)
• "I can hear with my teeth!"
• "I didn't like that guy anyway."
• "Gimme my hit points back!"
• "They run into the slaughter like kids to an ice cream truck."
• "I wanna eat your babies!"
• "I miss my midget."
• "Friggin' finally! God!" (as you're character is dying)
• "YOU'D BETTER GOD DAMN SCREAM FOR ME!!!"
• "I'm gonna wear your face for a condom!"
• "Welcome to...DIE!"
• "You're gonna be my new meat bicycle!"
• "I am the one who knocks." (Breaking Bad reference)

Engineers:

• "I...almost...paid off...my house..."
• "I just finished my comic book collection."
• "Looks like I got a promotion coming up." (as another Engineer dies)
• "Tell my wife......she's a bitch."

Tannis:

• "Also...need to buy a new ventilation system. It smells of bacon in here. Bacon is for sycophants and products of incest."

Random Character Quotes:

• "Hey Karina. You know what's worse than not having a shield? Being a woman!" (Dave from Overlook)
• "8 inches." (random male Sanctuary citizen if you're using a female character)
• "I used to be a Vault Hunter like you until I took a bullet to the knee." (random Sanctuary citizen)
• "Kill my husband and I'll marry you." (random female Sanctuary citizen)
• "OPEN UP!! I WANNA TELL YOU HOW KITTENS ARE MADE FROM DISTILLED HATRED!!" (random Sanctuary citizen while banging on a wall/door)
• "My toe just fell off..." (random Sanctuary citizen)
• "...and that's why they call me the Yellow Dart." (random Sanctuary citizen)

...MORE TO COME!!

Fuck You. Watch This.

Drunk I'm Not...

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Judas and the 'Big Picture'

It's time once again to drop some knowledge on you freaks and, somewhere in the process, alienate some people.

It would seem that pissing people off is one of my specialties. Who knew?

On with it then...

For starters, people have a tendency to assume that since I'm Agnostic/borderline Atheist that I've never read the Bible.

They couldn't be more wrong.

This "Bible" is more or less the very reason why I hate religion as a whole. It's also the reason I once got kicked out of a Barnes & Noble. That's a story for another time though...

Anyway...case in point:

Ever stop to think that Judas got a bad rap when he was really probably trying to save Jesus?

Probably not. In fact, here’s a bit of interesting biblical trivia:

In Luke 24:33 and Mark 16:14 it clearly states that when Jesus rose from the dead he met with ‘the eleven.’ Most people assume that the missing disciple was Judas, who was supposed to have killed himself out of remorse for his act of betrayal. However, in John 20:24 we learn that the missing disciple was Thomas. So … that means that the other eleven included Judas. And in 1 Corinthians 15:5 the Apostle Paul says that Matthias wasn’t voted in as the replacement twelfth Apostle until forty days after the Resurrection. So … Judas was still there. Again. In fact, in Acts 1:25 we learn that Judas ‘turned aside to go to his own place'.

People don’t read the whole Bible. They don’t get the Big Picture. Judas’s death was a fake, and considering that God ordained his betrayal, and Jesus predicted it, Judas was acting according to the will of God. He wasn’t a traitor—he was a company man who did the right goddamn thing, even though it was the hard goddamn thing to do. He was a Big Picture guy.

So, I ask you...is it still a betrayal when Jesus knew it was coming?

Let the hate-mail commence.

Random Shit That Pisses Me Off

1. Pedestrians

2. Stupid people

3. Westboro Baptist Church

4. Illegal immigration

5. Justin Bieber

6. Outsourcing

7. Jersey Shore

8. Glee

9. Anti-military idiots

10. Gov. Jerry Brown

11. God

12. Toddlers & Tiaras

13. President Obama

14. Your mom

15. People who feel the need to cheat to get ahead

16. People who can’t spell and/or use bad grammar

17. Kansas City Chiefs

18. AT&T Wireless

19. McDonald’s

20. Chargers fans

21. PETA

22. The guy who took a shit on the hood of my car in high school

23. The Air Force

24. People who physically/mentally/sexually abuse children

25. Racism

26. White counter-tops in the kitchen

27. Bridezillas

28. People who put their kid on a leash in public

29. People at WalMart

30. Prejudice

31. People who sexually/physically/mentally abuse women

32. Homophobes

33. The Tea Party

34. Ron Paul

35. Anti-gay rights morons

36. People who vote against the legalization of marijuana

37. The fact that Starbucks doesn’t believe in small, medium, & large

38. Fanboys

39. People who bring a cart load of stuff through the '10 Items or Less' line

40. People who can't park right

41. Scientists that think the world will end in some way in December

42. NFL Commissioner

43. ESPN.com for forcing people to pay if they want to view their articles

44. Microsoft

45. Clowns

46. People who aren't smart enough to realize that I'm ALWAYS right

47. Idiots that wanna kill themselves over 'cyber-bullying'

48. Facebook apps

49. Sacha Baron Cohen

50. At least 50% of all Military spouses (dependapotamus/dependaho)

51. You

Random...

This is going to be just a test post so I can test out the formatting tools available. Disregard any of the following text. You may, however enjoy the random pics I put up.

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Read This!! 09/22/2012

What A Real Woman Looks Like.

Yum!

Just For Starters...

This is the beginning.

Well....the beginning of the end anyway...